A Sacred Love Letter to My Single Sisters

Dear Single Sister, 

I dedicate this love letter to you! All of you — whether you're newly single or have been in this for a few years, whether your heart is broken, heavy, or expectant, whether you're hopeful, tired, or confused — no matter where you are emotionally, spiritually, and mentally in your singleness, I dedicate this love letter to you.

Enclosed in this letter, I will share the personal experiences, advice, and wisdom I've received while navigating this challenging yet insightful season. 

Single Sister, Rediscover Yourself 

I intentionally said "REDISCOVER" because the truth is that God knew us before we were born. (Jeremiah 1:5) This means that in our original design, we were known to ourselves, but sin wouldn't allow us to be great. One of the most essential things you can do in your singleness is to become more intentional with yourself and who God called you to be. I've said it in a previous blog, and it still reigns true – too often, we're so focused on getting to know and pleasing others that we forget our essential need to be one with ourselves. So once again, I'll ask, do you know you? Who are you? And when I say this, I don't mean what you do or have; I mean the core of who you are. Are you in touch with your core? 

In my current read, I came across a quote shared by Parker Palmer, "Self-care is never a selfish act it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch." Self-care, and may I add, Soul-care, is premium for a woman. We, innately, are nurturers. Our responsibilities often include caring for others, whether it is parents, siblings, close friends, or our own children. God created us to nurture, love, and care for many souls. But how can you give others effective soul care when your soul is suffering, too?

In T.D. Jakes’ Book “Woman Thou Art Loosed,” He says, “Sometimes we esteem others more important than ourselves. We always become the martyr. It is wonderful to be self-sacrificing, but watch out for self-disdain! If we don’t apply some of the medicine that we use on others to strengthen ourselves, our patients will be healed and we will be dying.”

I know you want to give more, love well, and serve others, but it's possible in this season that the Lord wants you to focus on the wellness of your soul.

In rediscovering yourself, reflect on these questions:

• How can I better care for my soul daily?

• What are the signs that reveal my need for extensive soul care?

• What boundaries do I require to remain aligned with my God-given identity when interacting and caring for others? 

• How can I create or embrace a community of relationships that keep me centered in my God-given identity?

Singleness propelled me into my identity, specifically womanhood. Before your relationship status, you are a woman; even before womanhood, you are a Follower of Christ. Being a Christian Single Woman is quite complex, which brings me to my next central point.

Embrace Your Womanhood

The enemy is on the agenda in our current culture and societal construct to dismantle the woman. I mean, it's been like this since Eve. The Bible says, "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, And between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, And you shall bruise His heel." – Genesis 3:15 NKJV. Another word for enmity, as the scripture uses, is hostility and opposition. Do you know how powerful you are? Satan despises you simply because the only portal from heaven to earth is through the womb of a womb-man or woman. Our Spirit is formed in eternity and birthed into time through women. Interestingly enough, Science tells us that when females are born, we are born with all of our eggs. Every woman is born with the future generation inside of her. I think it's safe to say that you carry destiny and legacy – no wonder the enemy is fighting you this hard! 

With this understanding, it makes sense why the enemy is coming against the identity and core of a woman. Through social media and popular entertainment, what's being challenged is what defines a woman. In society, women are welcomed in all forms. We're told that there's no one way to embrace or be a woman. But I beg to differ. I believe God has made the identity and assignment of a woman clear. As I was sharing in a recent blog, the character on which we should base our desires for a man, but also one we too should display, is the Fruit of the Spirit. God makes the character of a Believer clear. If you don't display His love and character, you cannot be identified as His disciple.

"But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law." – Galatians 5:22-23 AMP

In embracing your God-given identity as a woman, ask yourself: Am I loving? Do I have joy and inner peace? Am I patient? Am I kind? Do I exude God's goodness? Am I faithful? Am I gentle in every way, speech included? Do I have self-control? Do I bear fruit? 

The making of a woman was a strategic work of God. Women are helpers or Ezer. In Tony Evan's Kingdom Woman Devotional, he talks about the nature of a woman, saying, "In Hebrew, however, ezer means something categorically different. It challenges our ideas about a woman being a weak helper because it means "strong helper." By naming the woman as an Ezer, God identified her with His own nature! God's Ezer character describes the One who faithfully defends the weak (Psalm 33:20). God as Ezer rescues the poor and needy (Psalm 70:5). God's people placed their confidence in the certainty that their help, their Ezer, was in the name of the Lord (Psalm 124:8). The Ezer is not a weak helper at all. Rather, the woman who identifies herself as Ezer is mighty in power!" Our designated role is to help, assist, and nurture. To be a woman isn't to be weak. In fact, I believe a Godly woman living in purpose is very strong! Unlike men, our strength isn't physical – but it's in our ability to strategize, discern, cater to the needs of people, and live purpose-filled lives with wit and class.

It always amazes me how a woman can do so much, like work, cook, clean, take care of her kids, cater to her husband, and serve at church – and this may all happen in only 24 hours! God has given women the grace to balance key responsibilities while always having room to encourage and uplift others aspiring to do the same. Do you know what the real strength of a woman is? It isn't in lifting weights or doing handiwork, although if you love to do these things, feel free – a woman's strength is in God. Her commitment to living for Him, serving in His house, and empowering others to do the same. A woman's strength is in her prayer closet and the margins of her tattered Bible. Women have such a deep connection to God – as women, we can plug into the heart of God. The Lord groomed the woman to feel as broadly and compassionate as He does. We are God's heart on earth. So, Daughter of the Most High God, why do you despise your emotions and frailty? It's a gift and a sacred connection. 

Become the One

Now, this next thing I'm sharing with you, I fully anticipated waiting a few years to share. I always imagined myself being married, on a woman's panel responding to some Q&A sharing this – yes, I have a vivid imagination. Everyone is looking for "the One." My Pastor says, "Become the One that the One is looking for." This quote has deeply resonated with me, mainly because I shared before I had some very specific things I thought the One for me looked like. Of course, my desired attributes changed over time, but the principle remains. I'd often ask myself how I could become the One whenever my Pastor mentioned this quote, and I think I cracked the code. 

So, let me ask you, what does the absolute best version of yourself look like and do? Who is she? I know it can feel daunting to think about, but start making a list. To become the One, you must know who the One is. Often, we can get so caught up in making lists of who we want our future spouses to be that we forget – we, too, have to be a certain kind of woman with the capacity to properly handle and care for the One we long to love. 

Let me go over a few things I've placed on my Becoming the One List 

• Spiritually: Prayer Warrior and Intercessor. Studies the Bible consistently. Serving at my church in a high capacity. Actively doing ministry (leading, preaching, etc.)

• Personally: Graduated with my Bachelor's Degree. Confident in the way that I dress and my own style. Cooks well, lowkey chef. Manages money and budgets very well. Maintains a clean environment (laundry, dishes, etc.) 

• Character: Communicate gently and gracefully with all people at all times. Be grounded in my identity in Christ, not the affirmations of people (no people-pleasing). Be quick to forgive.

Now, I'm definitely still working on a few of these, but here's the thing – I know you have some initial expectations for someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with; And the real tea is that they have some expectations for you, too. It's important to note that my goal in Becoming the One doesn't have everything to do with marriage. I won't say it has nothing to do with marriage. For example, the driving force behind my desire to cook was that one day I'd be married and have a family that needed to eat, so I intentionally started developing the skill. (I do think I'm a lowkey chef now) But most of these things on my list are so rooted in the Word and what I believe the best version of myself would be.

I will never stop saying this: the Proverbs 31 woman didn't become all she was in marriage; much of what she became happened in her singleness. I don't believe it was because of her marriage that she learned how to make clothes, buy real estate, and give to those in need. I'm sure how dynamically profound she was is what drew her husband, an honorable elder in the land, to her in the first place. The Bible says, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the LORD." – Proverbs 18:22 

I will be my husband's treasure. Basically, a man who finds a good wife hits the jackpot. A few synonyms for treasure are wealth, abundance, and reserve. Are you reserving your reserve? This is too good not to delve into! Let me digress a little… Some of us are giving our reserve to men who ARE NOT our husbands. Girl, please don't be a fool and allow men to use you for your abundance. I know you have good ideas. I know you have an abundance of love and affection. But can you reserve your reserve for the one man who deserves it? Treasure is meant to be sought after, not given away for free! 

Now, back to the main point here: YOU ARE THE TREASURE! You are found as such. Conceptually, the thing about treasures is that they always have more to give. So, what are you investing in yourself now? What have you been learning? What books are you reading? What business are you starting? What career are you pursuing? What mentors are teaching you? Who are you mentoring? Singleness is your season of investment. What are you investing in now that will give you dividends for a lifetime? Everything that you do today matters. Now isn't the time to sit around and wait for Prince Charming. Girl, GET TO WORK! INVEST!

Heal Along the Way

It probably seems out of place to leave this point last, but I believe it deserves this spot. Everyone is on their healing journey. Healing is perhaps a buzzword in our generation. But the way it's formulated, everyone has made healing a place of stillness rather than movement. However, over the years, I've learned an essential lesson – GOD WILL HEAL YOU ALONG THE WAY! As a Believer, I don't believe that I can heal myself. This is why Christianity can contradict self-help because the truth is I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP MYSELF! I didn't make myself, so how can I possibly remake myself? 

All of us have suffered some deep wounds and pain, typically a result of our childhood, while other times, it's simply a product of life's many storms. Regardless of your story, I believe that healing is available to you. Healing is often complicated. Your brokenness likely propelled you into wrong relationship decisions in the first place. Concerning Healing the Soul of a Woman, Joyce Meyer said, "God's Word is absolute truth. And the truth is God desires to heal your wounded soul so you can have abundant life. You are His daughter, and He wants you to see yourself as His. No matter how hot the fire of your struggles has been, God is more powerful and able to save you. And when He does, you won't even smell like smoke! You no longer have to be tied to your past but can move forward, discovering the new way He's making for you!" What a powerful truth! Healing is available to you, no matter how broken you may be.

You are God's Beloved Daughter, and He desires for you to be healed and whole. I want you to know that although it's your responsibility to make room for healing, it isn't your responsibility to heal yourself. I know there are different activities, intentional steps, and maybe even therapy you can do to leap ahead in your healing journey. But even with all of that, know that God is the ultimate healer! And your healing is found perfectly in Him alone. 

So, if over this past month, as we've journeyed through singleness, self-love, and everything in between, you've discovered just how broken and confused you are, I have a few reminders and tips for you –

1. Understand that you are not alone. My previous places of brokenness inspired this entire singleness blog series. Although I'm not suffering at the same depth, and most days, I remain unfazed by my singleness and past, I realize I'm not alone on this journey. God is always with me, and many other women are navigating the same areas of insecurity, confusion, and frustration. 

2. Remember, this is only a season. Sometimes, especially during harsh seasons, we forget that what we are enduring is, in fact, only a season. This season will pass, and another is to follow. You may be single now, but by God's grace, you won't be single forever. You may feel pain and brokenness now, but one day soon, you'll be healed and revived in wholeness. 

3. Keep watching and praying. A woman's discernment is powerful; use it well. As you navigate the complexities of this season, watch and pray! Understand that we aren't fighting against flesh and blood. (Ephesians 6:12) The warfare we face daily is highly spiritual and requires our spiritual alertness and weapons. 

4. Embrace who you are becoming. Whenever you get a glimpse of the real you, hold onto her. I remember a few months back when I could hear myself praying with such boldness and authority, but my prayers sounded nothing similar. I hold onto the prayer warrior God gave me the grace to hear. I may not be there yet, but I am becoming! 

5. Surround yourself with Godly sisterhood. I love my Sisters in Christ! They keep me grounded in the Lord and on track in living out my divine destiny. Without the relationships I've built over the years, there's no way I'd be where I am. Make it a priority in this season to build Godly sisterhood. Go out on dates with your girls. Pick up your phone and give them a call frequently. Send them a morning encouragement text. Prioritize Sisterhood!

My dearly beloved Single Sister, God's hand is on you mightily. I believe each of you who read this letter is being well-crafted in your purpose and destiny! Perhaps you've just started your single journey, or you've been in this season longer than you'd like to admit – remember that God will not allow you to be single a day past your ordained time! Singleness is a gift, not a prison sentence. Enjoy the totality of this season while carefully preparing to embark on the next. 

My last tip to all of you is probably the most important: PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! Pray for your future husband. Pray for your future children. Pray for the kind of home you dream of having. Pray for the dreams God has placed in your heart. Pray for your God-given ministry. Pray concerning your career. Invest your time and energy in prayer. In this season, God has gifted you time! Use this time to pray. Bombard heaven with your prayers. Invest so much time in prayer that the moment you walk down the aisle, it's as if all God has to do is open the treasure of your devotion and pour answered prayers and blessings over you and your husband.

I told you previously that I don't shy away from praying concerning my marriage, and I highly advise that you don't either! In prayer, your heart remains grounded, and your investment is well-kept. I know you may have the Pinterest board and talk about the wedding dress you want with your girls, but above all, speak to the Lord concerning His plans for your marriage and future. No prayer is ever wasted!

I pray this letter has been a blessing to you – equipping you with wisdom and aiding in the process of identifying areas of growth in your life. Above all else, I pray that God would give you the grace to wait well, and when it's the kairos moment, may He bless you with a Husband that's so much greater than your wildest dreams!

Love Your Fellow Single Sister,

Morgan Takae (inserts new soon-to-be last name)

P.S. Always remember, you are dearly loved and a wonderful treasure to behold!